I hate this.... I'm not going to school today, it's fine with me. But to cost my sister her grades and her test. It's me to blame.

`-- (edit; 11:15PM)

As you know... I skipped school today, and I didn't really want to skip it ._." Today schedule in school, we get release early at 1:03PM. But the problem was I woke up late, and so did my sister. We were both late, even though we did alarm the clock. My sister got the finals, so she rushed to school. I rushed to, but then I think I can just call in sick, because it I was to be in school, I'll miss 3~4 classes already, and that means I'll get a detention, with my grades lower ._." So I just go inside the house, and wake up my mom to call the school that I'm sick.

When my mom called the school that I'm sick. I thought to myself, omg I cause my sister to be late for her test T_T, and she can't take the test anymore, and it's all my fault.   & I cried, my mom asked me why I was crying, I said it's because I make sister late for the test. My mom said it was her fault she didn't wake up on time too. But later she talked with my dad&this friend of theirs. They talked about how my sister was late for the test, now the money is wasted etc. & with me how I stay up late. At that time I'm crying like I having a seizure. I yelled to them, upstairs, not right in the face, saying "Can you shut up and stop talking about it? Is this like your hot topic today. Can't you talk about something else like the snow other than this?" I know it's kinda rude, but I just feel betrayed that my parent didn't encourage or discuss about something else than that. They talk about that same damn topic for 30 minute. Like dude stop it urgh. Yes I feel like they're talking at the back of me.

But the reason why I stayed up the till 4AM, was because I was listening to the songs in the iPod, and my heart it aches as hell, I started to can't breath. I was crying nonstop. My mind was spinning around, thinking how lonely I am, how I lost my friend already, just how the meaning of my life, I got nothing, etc. I just turned emo lol. Later I felt asleep, and that's all I remember.

I think I'm actually sick... these days I have been forgetting what happen on which days. Yestersday I forgot to alarm my sister, because I remember she was sleeping down in the basement, but she was actually sleeping in the bed. My sister actually slept down in the basement the day before yesterday... Now I'm forgetting how my day went by, just everything. Now I'm scare that I'm going to forget everything my memories, my past... Which I hope that won't happen...

Today, after I yell at "them", my aunt told me to stop, and let me sleep in her room, so I can relax. Thank you Auntie T.T...

The good news is that I'm finish with all my homework on time today lol.Just this whole day, I get really feel the pain in my heart nonstop, sometimes it was hard for me to breath. Around 6.30PM I went outside, and lay down in the floor of snow, listening to Jeju - First day of Winter. I felt so happy, relaxed, and I can breath.

As a result for today, my sister get to take the finals Thank God, but I was still crying&I don't even know why I'm crying, why I can't laugh like I'm in crack like I used to, even though I watched Ellen, one of my favorite comedian. I can just cry as much as I want, I guess my wish is finally granted?

Missed two quizzes due to the cut, one is Chinese, &Algebra Part 2 quiz, where it's about writing down things.

I don't know what will happen tommorrow ;-;" I'm really scare now, I'm scare that maybe I'll just drop and cry again for no reason in class, I'm scare that I won't do good in my quizzes.

But everything that'll happen, depends on me. My mind continue to think, with my heart continue to beat, every last beats it has.

- Any Pig

PS: Change. [D'espairsRay - Screen] somehow it sounds soothing to me ;-;"... I'll put back Bolero back though...