how I don't have any feelings anymore. I feel somehow like a vegetable, just waiting for someone to chop up that good brain of mine.

Most of the day I just go to school, go home and eat, then again sleep for some good hours, wake up at 2AM to do my homework, sleep at 6AM again and go to school at 7AM. Maybe it's cause of my messed up sleeping routine that caused me to lose all my feelings, to know what's right or wrong.

I know when you get older, you'll find out who is your real friends, to see who is real, to know who to trust. I know that EVERYONE had one of those moments in some time or later. I thought I was over with those stuffs, I thought I know who is real or not, but life is still testing me.

Recently, I take school as a joy of my life, but now it's like a battlefield. I know if you guys have been reading my blog, I always have some ups and downs with my friend Chin. She's been acting up, like acting up secretly for all of her actions. I don't know if I should trust her or not.

She's the type of friend that thinks education as a competition, I'm the type that will tell my friends about anything that's good for them, like which event to get service hours, or any opportunities to do benefit for their education. She found this program call 'Summer Quest' which is for grader from 9th to 11th. She haven't tell us until this week that she's going to be in this program. I'm so sad that she NEVER tell us anything for us. I know my other friend ShaSha does tell us everything when she knows something.

Now I'm not going to compare, between them. ShaSha and my sister has been telling me that Chin isn't a good friend to be around with, because she'll just use you. I have been friend with her for about 8 years, and this is what I learn from our friendships, time doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how long you know each other, because if that person just keep secrets to themselves, you'll never learn ANYTHING from them. Another thing that I have learn is that, it's hard to break that trust from a long time friend. I know people that are close to me and who knows Chin say that she isn't trustworthy.  I know she shouldn't treat her friend as some type of competition ALL THE TIME, she shouldn't toy her friends like that ALL THE TIME. Yes, I know I KNOW. It's just hard!

On Friday (2/19/2010), I walked home with ShaSha and Chin, got hit by some snowballs by some Juniors, which we don't even know or even made fun of. Maybe they think we're Freshmen or something, so mad I didn't throwback a snowball back at them! But I'm happy I said 'What the fuck man', at least they know can hear me say that.

Usually on a Friday I have to walk home, because my sister can't drive me home on that day, and my house is pretty far away from my school. Chin said her brother will drive me home, I insist, but she said yes, so I just go with her. When I go to her in her family restaurant, Mary, her sorta aunt, and her mother was there. Mary isn't really Chin's real aunt, but she is just there to help Chin's family, and she cares about education A LOT. ANYWAYS (I know you guys are bored reading this LOL), when Chin said "I'm going to tell brother to drive Phuong home." to her mom, I look at Chin's mom's face and she looked annoyed, like she's giving the expression of 'oh why do we have to drive her home?' Later on, Chin's mom asked Mary to drive me home, because Mary is close to my house.

I felt like I was an annoying person to them or something. Oh wells.


So my birthday is coming up soon, I don't expect much, I don't feel happy turning old LOL, who cares if it's my sweet 16!  Luckily, my two birthdays will be on a weekend day! the Feb one will be on a Saturday, and the March one will be on a holiday. GREAT! That means no one can say 'Happy Birthday' to me in school! I know on those days I'll forget that it's my birthday lol.

I don't know if I should give Chin a birthday gift, because I don't know if she is a friend I can trust. I'll wait and see if she'll give me anything (not because I'm cheap, I actually have a gift in mind) then I'll give her something.

Talking about the gift, it's this REALLY pretty shirt, I'm planning to buy all three colors for ShaSha, Chin, and me. The shirt comes in three colors, pink, yellow, and blue. ShaSha will get the yellow one, cause she likes yellow. Chin&I both like blue, which I don't know which to pick. I said to her I'll give her the pink one, which I know makes me sound greedy... I DON'T KNOW.

My sister suggested to me to not give Chin the gift, but just give the shirt for ShaSha (the yellow one), Me (the blue one), and Her (the pink one). That even makes Chin feels left out.


I don't know if I'm being too nice or not -sighs- HELP ME!!! T_T!! All of this messed up things makes me feel like I want to burst and cry, somehow my feelings are too strong that I can't even cry, without crying I don't feel relieve...

Like ShaSha said "Everyone takes life as a competition too much." I agree...

- Any Pig

PS: [Tohoshinki - With All My Heart] well Tohoshinki did let me shed some tears because of the lovely song, but still I'm not relieve -HUGE sigh-